just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
