So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
