note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
