im six kinds of drunk right now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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