Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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