Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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