There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
