idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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