What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
