The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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