I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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