Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
