Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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