i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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