Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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