Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
