i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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