operation harelip BJ is a go
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
