I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
