Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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