should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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