well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
