you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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