I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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