someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
honey bunches of taint.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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