When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my poor anus
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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