I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
