Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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