the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
