do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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