My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
