Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
