worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
