The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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