woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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