I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
