she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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