why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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