I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
