Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
