Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
