so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
zippers are such a cool invention
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
