god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
