I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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