she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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