I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
