You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
