Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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