so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
