i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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