This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
