I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
