Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
