Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
