anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
